The truth is...

The truth is that right now I am worn out.  My heart feels old, my emotions are exhausted, brain feels like it is slowly shutting down and my body is tired. I wish I could say my body feels tired because I just came back from a work-out but I am ashamed to say that my body probably feels worn out due to the stress I make myself carry around.

Today I was tutoring a child who is a bit behind for his age and we were reading, or at least trying to read. I would encourage him to sound out the letters. He kept forgetting to sound them out and would get stuck. At times he would just sit there, frustration accumulating with every second that went by. I would say, "You can do it! You're super smart!" I would coach him through every letter of the words and then start putting the sounds together but I would not do all the words because I wanted him to do it on his own. Our scheduled reading time came to an end but I asked him to stay so we could practice a little longer. He tried a little longer but was too distracted with wanting to play on the computer that we were not having much success with the reading. The tears came next and in his eyes I could also see some frustration directed at me. We finished our last reading page, but just barely! WOOH!! I asked him to look at my eyes as I proceeded to explain my persistence in reading, even past our scheduled reading time. As he looked into my eyes I told him that the reason I pushed him was because I wanted him "to be a super fast reader and maybe even one day be the fastest in his class." I told him that but the truth is that I want him to read well so he can be proud of himself and gain confidence.

Later, I was humbled. Just like this little boy, I throw fits when I am tired. In my frustration, all of me wants to quit whatever is challenging me. I will be honest and say that I naturally am not a fighter. I prefer to pout. In my pouting I forget to listen or seek The Lord. At times I feel as if The Lord were slaying me, pushing me just too much. Today I was reminded that The Lord pushes me to uncomfortable levels for my own good. As a tutor, I learn to love the child I am helping and I genuinely want to help build their self-esteem through challenges. I do this with great love and I am just a tutor. My heart overflows with joy at the truth that my Heavenly Daddy loves a whole lot better than a tutor.



In my weariness I want to praise my First, TRUE Love. I want Him to gain glory through my weaknesses. All I find with my strength is confusion. I don't know what to do or which way to turn. I lack knowledge and confidence but have plenty of fears and frustrations. BUT IN HIM I find strength, peace, rest, unending joy, and direction. All I need to do is seek MY TRUE LOVE, JESUS CHRIST.



Prayer from a humbled heart:

Daddy, I need you right now. I need your strength, your peace. I want to crawl into your arms and be held by you. My heart longs for you. Jesus, give me the courage you gave David when facing Goliath. You have already conquered all my fears. You have already redeemed my weariness. Tune the ears of my heart to clearly distinguish your voice from the voices of my fears. Daddy remind me that you call me your own, your precious. Remind me of the grace that is constantly extended to me and of the truth that I do not need to carry my own stress, shortcomings and shame around. You are so sweet, gracious and loving. Just like the Israelites, my adulteress heart constantly looses sight of your greatness and focuses on the challenges of life, forgetting your great faithfulness and power. My heart so easily wanders and gets distracted but you take me and call me your own. Thank you for your perfect love Father.

Baby Mine

I am 21. I am a senior in college who plans to go to school for a LONG time. I do not have time to think about babies. I REFUSE to have a “biological timer.” Actually, I am TOO young to have one! AND I have not even gotten to the first step, which is finding a husband . Actually, I am about 20 steps from even being at the FIRST step (maybe the first step would be dating... maybe. ) SO... I AM NOT longing for a baby. However, I have this strong desire to adopt. I have never really thought about having a child of my own. I have thought about adoption for so long that I have already narrowed it down to the age I would like to adopt. Older than 6 would be great. There would be perks to that. I would not have to change diapers. :) I would also not have to go through the terrible two's. Honestly, the idea of not holding an infant and calling it my own has never been too devastating for me. One day I will still be able to love a little one that longed to be loved through adoption. what I am trying to get across is that I have never really longed for a baby, an infant. BUT..... today I heard a lullaby and I just can't stop thinking about it!

This lullaby is actually the one played on Dumbo, the Disney movie. I have heard it many times and have always liked it. I actually cry every time I watch the scene in Dumbo. (I know, I am embarrassed I cry while watching cartoons, but I do!) However I had never really stopped to think about the lyrics. Please listen to it online. Below are the lyrics:

Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine.

Little one when you play
Don't you mind what they say
Let those eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear, baby of mine.

If they knew sweet little you
They'd end up loving you too
All those same people who scold you
What they'd give for
The right to hold you.

From your head to your toes
Your not much, goodness knows
But your so precious to me
Cute as can be, baby of mine.

Maybe I am just a bit on the emotional side today, I am not sure, but I am so touched by these sweet, sweet lyrics. They make me question my thoughts on having babies.

Some other thoughts I have about the lullaby: I know this might sound silly to some but I feel especially loved by the Lord through this song. Not only is He my Protector, Master, and Husband but He is also my Daddy. He holds me close to His heart. I am His and He calls me His precious. (Deuteronomy 14:2)

Earlier this week, I was doing my own little thing and I felt the Lord whisper to me, “You do not know the measures of my love.” I stopped in my tracks. (Honestly, almost offended.) I was thinking, “Well, I know Lord but I am trying!” I kept thinking about it the rest of the day and even now I am not too sure why He would tell me that. But I accept the truth in more humbleness now. Goodness, I am so very far from truly understand the Lord's love for humanity. How can He, love me! Sometimes I can hardly even love myself! So much grace!! SO MUCH GRACE! Really this whole post is just to pose a question for you?

'”DO YOU KNOW THE MEASURES OF THE LOVE OF GOD?”

I believe we will NEVER truly be able to understand how deep His love is for us. But I just want to encourage at least one person to stop life and grasp His love. Think of True Love, He deserves it and so much more.

My Dear Em

     Picture the awkwardness in fifth grade and multiply that by about 20 and BAM!! ME!!! I am not even lying, maybe exaggerating just a tad but seriously, not too much! Fifth grade was an extremely awkward time in my life: super short boy hair, the start of crushing and much more. However, that is also the year I met someone very special in my life. I met someone who I can honestly say I will see us rocking away in our rocking chairs when we are old and retired. Of course I did not know it at the time. I heard there was a girl joining our fifth grade class. If you have grown up in a small Christian school, you know this is a big deal! Everyone starts wondering what group she will join and what role she will take in the class. Even though this was a monumental moment in my life I cannot clearly remember if I officially met her before she joined our school or when she visited. But I do remember the day I went up to her and said, “Hi! My name is Alejandra! Nice to meet you!” She looked shy and quite but she also looked nice. Once we met, I asked her to sit with me during lunch break. She said she would and I was so very excited. Our friendship slowly grew during our lunch and recess times. Then we HIT middle school. Our friendship kept growing even though we were not in the same homeroom or hung out with the same people. It was not until my sophomore year in high school that Emily Whelchel truly became my best friend. Emily has been such a faithful friend, sticking with me through thick and thin. She was the first person I ever really opened up to and was completely honest with.

My Dear Em,

      You will never truly know how much you have impacted my life. Your loyalty and kindness have encouraged me in many ways. You have pushed me to look ahead and above. You have encouraged me to pursue deep understanding, knowledge, and wisdom. Not only have you listened to my dreams but dreamed right beside me. You brought me to our sweet family, and through you I gained a father, mother, two sisters (including you), and a sweet brother. Thousands of memories come to my mind when I think back on our friendship. Things such as running the same red light three times, flopping on the floor by your door, crying in cars, videos of me half asleep, pranks we pulled on others, our drive as we went off to college for the first time, all-night talks of the future, you purposely written MANY “cheesy” love stories, poems and songs just to see me cry are all memories I cherish.

I remember when I went off to the boarding school and you constantly push me in my relationship with the Lord through emails and facebook. When you stuck to me then, I knew we would be friends for a very long time but I never imagined one day we would also be sisters. The Lord was so very sweet to me on the day He brought you to San Jacinto Christian Academy and I met you. Thank you my sweet sis for all the joy you have brought to my life. I hope that one day I can be half the friend and sister you have been to me. HAPPY BIRTHDAY my sweet Emily. I love you with all my heart!

 

HE IS OH SO SWEET

        Hi Friends, well it has most definitely been a while. Honestly,  I am a completely different person from the girl who wrote the last post on here a while ago. The Lord has been oh so sweet to me. Really He has ALWAYS been sweet but everyday I am learning to look for Him more and in different ways. I would love to share everything He has done in the last year but it is just too much. (I should have kept up with blogging then I would not have this problem now.)
       Where do I even start? This last year He has shown me how much I need Him and how weak I am. I was like Israel in the Old Testament. I would seek Him desperately for a while, then I would get distracted and not seek Him like He wanted me too. I would then need Him and again place my eyes on Him and then something would come along and distract me again and I would place Him close to me but not as close as He needed to be. Over and over again. Why? How? I don't even know! How can I place The Love of My Life on the sidelines of my life? However, He is faithful.  He finally really caught my attention. Hosea 2 is what He did to me. He exposed my lewdness before my lovers and took all my celebrations away. He is a jealous God. He was not going to let other lovers take me from His hands. (THANK YOU DADDY!) I went after lovers and I forgot about my First Love. After He caught my attention, He allured me and lead me to the desert and spoke tenderly to me.  He literally did that. This summer I went to Israel. It was wonderful to see places that are important in the Bible but that is not why He took me there. He took me out of the States and took me to the desert where I did not have distractions. There He spoke SO TENDERLY TO ME.
       He reminded me of how much He loves me. He reminded me of the life I am given because of His sacrifice on the cross. He also pointed out things in my life and attitudes that needed to change. I came home, rejuvenated. But He was not done. He kept pointing things out through the summer and even now as we enter into the fall. This is a season of my life I clearly feel Him shaping me and molding me. I am so humbled. It is hard to accept where I am failing but it is even harder to take actions to change it. However, I know I can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength.
      I decided to write this post not so much to let you know where I am but so that I can be an encouragement to anyone who needs it. I constantly miss the mark. I am loved a lot more than I could ever love. The Lord is so very faithful. I am not sure why He chooses to walk next to me even when I don't even notice Him, but He does. He constantly shows me what perfect love is.  TODAY, THE LORD IS LONGING FOR YOU, NOT BECAUSE HE NEEDS YOU BUT BECAUSE YOU NEED HIM. My prayer for anyone that reads this is that you will look into His beautiful eyes (face) and that the things of this earth grow strangely dim in the light of HIS GLORY AND GRACE.

Love Letter

Hi friends, it has been a long time. Time flies and before you know it is gone. I have been meaning to post more often but collage has been CRAZY! As my semester ends, I can clearly see the grace and love of God. He has been so faithful this semester. He is ALWAYS faithful. Take a moment today to thank God for his grace in the mist of your crazy, busy life. Even if we spent all eternity praising our Father (which we are one day), it would never surpass what He deserves. I just wanted to share something I found the other day. It was a LOVE LETTER! :) The best love letter you will ever read! This love is pure and absolutely captivating. It see no limits!

My precious daughter,
I will never leave you,
I will never forsake you,
I will be faithful until the end,
You are more than just "my daughter"
You are my princess,
My beloved, my delight,
I rejoice in you,
You are beautiful,
You shine with light,
You have dove's eyes,
I rejoice in you with singing,
I will quiet you with my love,
Hold you in my arms,
Never let you go,
For you are never alone,
You never have been alone,
I've been with you all along,
Your whole life,

I understand your pain,
My sacrifice wasn't for nothing,
Let me tell you I understand your confusion,
I understand your anger and frustration,
I understand your tears,
And I care,
Very much,
For you,
Everything that is important to you,
Is important to me too,
My love for you will never end,
I will not leave you for another,
I will not abandon you ever,
No matter how far you go,
My love will never end.

I have examined you heart,
I know everything about you,
When you sit down or stand up,
I know your thoughts,
Even when you are far away,
I see you when you travel,
Or when you rest at home,
I see the tears that fall from your eyes,
I see the heartache in your home,
Believe me I know the lies,
I know the temptations,
But I am here,
I know what you are going to say,
Even before you say it.
I go before you and follow,
I place my hand of blessing on your head,
Such knowledge is beyond comprehension,
It is too wonderful for you to understand,
You can never escape from my Spirit,
You can never get away from my presence!
If you go up to heaven, I am there;
If you go down to the grave, I am there.
If you ride the wings of the morning,
If you dwell by the farthest oceans,
Even there my hand will guide you,
And my strength will support you.

You could ask the darkness to hide you,
And the light around you to become night,
But even in darkness you cannot hide from me,
To me night shine as day,
Darkness and light are the same to me,
I made all the delicate, inner parts of your body,
I made your heart,
I know what makes you hurt,
I know what makes you cry,
I know what makes you tick,
I know when breaks your heart the most,
And I know how to comfort you,
I know how to make you smile,
I know how to love you,
I know how to be a daddy who loves,
Such a beautiful daughter like you,
You long for acceptance,
When you were already accepted into my family,
You are fearfully and wonderfully made,
I love you more than you know,
I will fill your heart with the love and peace you long for,
I saw you before you were born,
I knit you together in your mother's womb,
Even then I loved you,
And I was proud of you,
And I thought of you as my beautiful daughter, my princess,
Everyday of your life is recorded in my book,
Every moment was laid out,
Every moment that would bring you joy,
Every moment that would bring you pain.

My thoughts about you are precious,
They cannot be numbered,
They out number the grains of sand,
And when you wake up in the morning,
I am still with you,
I love you more than you know,
You are beautiful to me,
Even though you feel something is always wrong,
Just look into my eyes,
See how I see you,
A beautiful princess,
With beautiful eyes that shine with my love and my light,
I love you,
And I will say it again,
I love you,
My princess, my beloved,
My precious daughter,

I love you,
I love you,
I love you.

Don't give up,
For I see the brokenness in your family,
In your friendships,
I see the pain in your eyes,
Your beautiful heart,
That used to be so filled joy,
It is now crushed beneath your burdens,
But you're still beautiful to me,
So beautiful to me,
I will heal you and restore you once again,

My precious daughter,
I will never leave you,
I will never forsake you,
I will be faithful until the end,

Faithful until the end...

Your loving Father and Daddy, Prince of Peace, King of Glory,
-Jesus.

What a beautiful love letter from our loving Father. I did not write this but found it in a wonderful blog (http://www.christianblog.com/ ) if you would like to check it out. Anyways, I highlighted the parts I absolutely loved (even though I love the whole thing!). Whether you're 15 or 51 God's love is still the same, beyond our understanding. I hope when you think of God's love for you, you are overcome with love for Him and thankfulness. Blessings until next time.

Journey

HI! I am super excited about starting a blog. My dear sister, Emily, got me the blog and designed the whole thing! She even found a design with a sunflower, my favorite flower. Thank you Em! Emily did a good job sharing a few things about me in the first post. We always joke around and say that Emily knows me more than I know myself. :D

I guess my main purpose for this blog is to share with yall the journey God is leading me on. I know ahead of time it is filled with battles, failures, triumphs, but most of all with hope. I will hold on to my Father's hand as we go on this journey together. Like the background of this blog, sometimes we are scratched and dented, but that is what makes us beautiful. WE are made whole through CHRIST'S LOVE and he finds us to be beyond beautiful! Actually He finds us to be His treasured possessions! I have such a LOVING Father. In spite of all my flaws and failures, I am still the apple of His eye.

Welcome, Ali

No, my name isn't Ali.  I'm also not the author of this blog.  My name is actually Emily and I've come from my own blog a few miles away to bring a plate of brownies and a toaster to welcome Ali into her new blog.

Okay, the truth is: Ali has finally decided to become a blogger.  Since I've already been blogging for a while, Ali asked me to help her set one up, which is how "Big Hair Ali" has come about.  Ali and I are sisters and best friends and I am very excited to give her a little push into the blogging world.

Why am I writing the first post on this blog?  Because I know how hard it is to think of the ominous "First Post."  When I first got my blog, I remember seeing it in all of its clean emptiness and I didn't want to write anything, just in case I would mess up the beauty with my tangled words.  I figure Ali would think the same thing.  So no worries, Ali.  I'm messing it up for you.  Now your writer's block will go away, you don't have to worry about the big "First Post," and you can write whatever you feel like writing... (Of course, you can always delete this post if you like and put yourself through the "First Post" trauma.)

For now, as an introduction into Big Hair Ali, I thought I would share ten facts about Ali from the perspective of her sister.  Also, perhaps these ten facts will help to give her some ideas to write about later on:

1.) Ali's favorite Bible verse is Jeremiah 29:11.
2.) She falls asleep all the time.  (In the mall, in the shower, on the stairs, in the middle of conversation...)
3.) She plans to save her first kiss until marriage.
4.) She attends a Christian university.
5.) She eats salads most of the time.
6.) Once I dressed Ali up in a Muslim hijaab and we visited the mall and a couple of different bookstores as a social experiment.
7.) She loves worship music, especially Shane and Shane.
8.) She is used to being part of a blog since I tend to write about her alllllll the time.
9.) Ali may be my sister, but she is in fact a Mexican.
10.) Ali's love language is physical touch.

Anyway, now that I've written this long post, Ali's writer's block should be gone and she should be ready to enter the world of blogging and happiness. ;)  I love you, Ali.  Enjoy.

(Oh, and by the way: follow this blog.  It's going to be great.)